retrospect
by Mirakuru Rein
Summary: REVISED - CHAPTER 1. The gang reminisces about the good ole days when Sakura was a poser, Naruto acted like a girl, and Sasuke managed to be like his brother even though he tried not to. SPOILERS, NaruSasuSaku, implied ItaDei ItaSasu. Read on for the fun.
1. lovelies and love lies

_restrospect_

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

.x.

chapter 1: the lovelies and the love lies

.x.

**WARNING!! MAJOR SPOILERS UP AHEAD** if you are watching Shippuuden and have not kept up with the current manga plot.

.x.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

He had come home. Finally come home.

No, not the one who had run away – that one, the idiot. The blond one with blue eyes and no desire for social graces. She was happy to see him, yes, but she wanted to walk away like she didn't know him, yeah.

"You're not ready, are you?"

Talking to herself again. But it's not silent, it's never silent when she wants it to be. Emptiness echoes back to her. Like an abyss – tempting her with the company of the miserable.

She shook her head. "God, I'm fucking crazy."

She put on a smile and went to greet him.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

5 WEEKS LATER – JUNE 24

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

"And have you seen the Hokage Mountain? They put Shishou's face on it!"

"Mm, mm!" Chewing some ramen. "So, so—" Swallows. "—how d'ya think _my _face'll look up there?"

"Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves, alright?"

Naruto waved his chopsticks at her. "Why not? I think about it all the time, ya know."

She laughs and agrees, but deep down inside, she thinks his dreams are trivial. Child-like.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

When did she start writing a diary? Sakura didn't know. Seven years old – no, nine. It was a stereotypical young girl's thoughts and the first entry was only four words long, though it took the courage of a thousand warriors.

_I love Uchiha Sasuke._

The next:

_Do you think he loves me back? If he doesn't, he will fall in love with me, because I am the princess of the story, and he is the valiant prince. Princesses are always lady-like and mature and understanding, so I have to be more girly, like Ino. I have to get prettier clothes and longer hair, since princes like long hair. Haven't you ever heard of Rapunzel? I have to hide my forehead, since princesses do not have large foreheads. I hope that he will like me when I start to change myself, because he probably does not even know I exist right now. I want to live happily ever after with him. Isn't it romantic?_

The writing is frantic. She felt ensnared yet attached, a queasy, nauseous feeling that erupted in her heart with scrambled glee.

Her mother had once described this feeling to her – "a fairy dream."

"_What are fairy dreams?"_

"_They're the dreams that make you feel truly alive again. Haven't you ever had those before, Sakura?"_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

Sakura stopped wearing pants after she started writing in her diary. She started wearing dresses, particularly red ones, to match the headband that Ino had given her oh-so-long-ago. She began rejecting meat – fatty foods, and would only eat fruit or a piece of vegetable.

Her parents became concerned. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Sakura? What's wrong with doing the things you used to like?"

"_Mom, _I'm trying to catch up to Ino! She's had all these years to be really girly and popular with the guys, and I've only really started now. So now I have to act like a girl as much as possible!"

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Since when," she said, "was _acting _a substitute for _living_?"

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

Sakura remembered her eighth birthday with surprising clarity.

Ino had showed up on the front step, seeped from head to toe from the vicious rainstorm that pounded on any living soul that dared venture outside. Yet here Ino was, a soggy package in hand with the scribbled, melting words "To Haruno Sakura – Happy Birthday" on it.

The birthday girl didn't quite know how to react. She stared at her friend for a while, until Ino shouted, "Are you going to let me in or not?" and pushed her way in.

"Here's your present, Forehead," Ino said indifferently, tossing the flimsy paper-covered gift to Sakura. The present was drenched to the point that the wrapping paper flew off the box in mid-air, landing in Sakura's waiting hands with a slightly damp "plop."

The box was hurriedly torn open, and Sakura peered inside. She lifted the offending item with shielded disgust.

"You came all this way…to give me a pen?"

"_Not _just a pen. A pink fountain pen, writes lavender ink. Kinda weird, no?"

Sakura looked at Ino incredulously. "But…what would I use it for? I can't use this for school – Sensei'd kill me."

The blonde scoffed. "Why use it in school? You'd probably lose it. No, you have a diary, right? The one you never write in? Well…why not start."

"I guess…"

"So have a towel anywhere? I'm freezing."

_Ino…why a pen? You know I'd never be a writer._

As if reading her mind, Ino spun around, a grin on her face and a finger in the air. "Because that's what friends do – they give presents they know will never be used."

_No…that's what girls do, real girls at least. _And Sakura found this ulterior explanation faintly sufficient.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

2 YEARS AGO – AT THE TIME OF THE SASUKE RETRIEVAL MISSION

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

"_Please…bring him back…Naruto…"_

Torment. That night, she couldn't sleep. Of course Naruto would bring him back. Of course. Have a little faith, Sakura, breathe, breathe.

But she wouldn't know how to react even if Sasuke did come back anyway.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

"Sakura…"

There were bags under her eyes, bloodshot veins from lack of sleep. She didn't even comb her hair that morning when she heard the team was back. She had rushed to the hospital, drowsiness not quite gone yet. Her heart dropped when she saw Naruto all bandaged up; it dropped even more when she heard Sasuke's retrieval was not accomplished.

She simply smiled that beautiful spring smile, that amazingly fake smile, and said, "Let's open the windows, shall we? It's getting kind of warm in here."

But she couldn't look Naruto in the eyes.

_If my heart dropped any further, would it be in hell?_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

A LITTLE BEFORE PRESENT TIME

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

Her more recent diary entries were surprisingly devoid of emotion. They were simple sentences – she was not an artist. That's right. Artists are not people who act, they are people who become.

_Sunday, June 26_

_4:09 AM_

_I came back from a successful mission today. Tsunade gave me the paperwork to fill in and I completed them. Then Ichiraku's without Naruto. Do I like ramen now? If so, that's kind of creepy._

_Saw Konohamaru on the way back to my apartment. Talked to him a little – said Naruto didn't come to see him, like he usually does on Saturdays. Asked if Naruto is okay? I said I don't know, he's probably busy. Watched Konohamaru practice throwing shuriken for a while – his aim is actually better than Naruto's. Guess he isn't really that much like him anyway (or is he?)._

_I came home at 6 PM, made dinner, watched TV, did laundry, more TV_

_drank some coffee which tasted surprisingly shittier than usual tasted like leaves all crumpled up and shivering in the autumn_

_more TV some show about a lady and her long lost love and how they love each other and how in the end it was all okay and they still love each other but really it's pointless and they acted horribly I could have done better couldn't I_

_at 2 AM I_

_was alone_

_and…_

(ink blots)

_is emotion supposed to be painful?_

_Two years of this same day. Does God think it's fair?_

Sakura slammed the book shut, then looked at her hands in fear through her tear-glazed eyes.

Lavender ink-smudged.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

SASUKE would have loved me if I couldn't act. NARUTO would have hated me if I couldn't act.

So why did I act?

Why do I act?

Because?

_of course you know why, Sakura_

_it's the only goddamn thing you know how to do_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_Sunday, January 26_

_11:52 PM_

_Sasuke._

_Please come home._

_so you can start hating me again_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

3 YEARS AGO – THE BEGINNING OF HARUNO SAKURA'S APPRENTICESHIP UNDER THE GREAT TSUNADE

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

Sakura's handwriting is not neat. It's almost undecipherable, a scrawl of a wild beast.

When Tsunade saw this, she did a double take and almost regretted taking the girl up as her apprentice. Almost.

"S-SAKURA!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??"

Tsunade's voice is easy to decipher. Sakura counted a hyphen, three exclamation points, and two question marks.

"Sorry…"

"…get a type-writer."

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

The machine was bulky, ponderous. Her hands awkward and slight.

_Tuesday, October 31_

_10:41 PM_

Typing at the pace of snails.

_Tsunade-sama told me to get a tpye_backspacebackspacebackspace_ typewriter. As you can see (or not see) U_backspace_ I am not very good at typing It_backspacebackspace _. It is very hard and Im_backspace_ I'm not very good at hitting all the right keys but hopefully Tsuande-sama_backspaaaaaaace_ Tsunade-sama will not have to worry about my horrible handwriting anymore._

_More like complain about it._

_God I'm so fcking tired._

_So I guess diary will be a compilation of white paper, black letters._

_The days of bound pink sheets and lovely lavender ink are over._

_You know wwhat? _

(handwritten)_ I don't know._

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

3 YEARS, 26 WEEKS, 4 DAYS, 9 HOURS, 48 MINUTES LATER – PRESENT TIME – JULY 2

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

"Sakura-chaaaaaaan!"

The familiar voice traveled down the hall. Sakura picked her head up from the typewriter, the letters "F, G, H" imprinted on her forehead backwards. She must have fallen asleep from the night before. Standing up, she unscrolled the sheet of paper from the typewriter and shoved it in the nearest drawer.

"Coming!"

The door swung open. Naruto's exuberant face beamed at Sakura's tired expression.

"Sakura-chaaaaan! I got a present for you."

She opened it with the same roughness she treated all gifts. A beautiful, emerald-studded necklace fell out onto her lap, the green gems gleaming in the stray sunlight that made it past the curtains. To match her eyes, see. But her eyes are sea-green.

"Remember you said you wanted it for your birthday like three years ago? Well, I know it's a little late, but I didn't have enough money back then, so I thought I'd save up and last week I got enough so I bought it for you." Naruto meekly looked at the necklace in her lap. "Hope you like it."

Sakura stared. The present, Naruto, the present, Naruto, the present, Naruto. The present, her hands. She didn't – couldn't – understand.

"God, I'm so fucking tired—!" She buried her face in her hands _(of you being nice to me) _hoping, hoping that maybe he was stupid enough to not notice? _(that she was crying of course goddammit does she even know why she's crying again)_

"Hey, hey…" He wasn't going to ask if she was okay, it was obvious she was not. He was about to feel her forehead for her temperature, but stopped when he saw something.

"F……G…H."

Sakura looked up, and rubbed her moistened hands together.

"From God's hands?" Naruto looked hopeful.

She shook her head. "Feigning gravity helps." But… "Thank you. I mean, the necklace. I really like it."

She hugged him, held him tight, tight, tight, and hoped he'll never have to fall down.

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_(why, naruto, do you stand by me when even I myself won't?)_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_July 3 _(she stopped writing the time)

_Naruto probably knows more about me than I do._

_That's kind of scary._

_But it makes sense._

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_July 4_

_And what did I ever give back to him? Who was I to decide what should be DREAMED, don't we all have our own dreams and he was brave enough to keep his?_

_Maturity is in the eyes of the beholder – for once, I'm glad I was wrong._

_(From God's hands? What the hell does that mean?)_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_July 5_

_I didn't hate him before. I didn't even think he was stupid._

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_July 6 _

_Just I thought he was an idiot to love me, and that he wouldn't really have truly accepted me into his heart_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

(continued July 7)

_if he knew that I ACTED EVERDAY_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

(continued July 8)

_like an arrogant girl, like a fucking prima donna._

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

(continued July 9)

_Maybe I was just scared that he __understood__ me, what the façade meant. But if I knew any better, I wouldn't have been so afraid._

_Naruto and Sasuke_

_The only two people who knew who I am and yet I didn't know it?_

_(how could I not know? what did I think they meant to me, back then?)_

_So do you think I still love Sasuke?_

_I might, if the rain wouldn't fall so hard._

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

(July 10)

_"Maybe I was just scared that he __understood__ me, what the façade meant. But if I knew any better, I wouldn't have been so afraid._

_Naruto and Sasuke_

_The only two people who knew who I am and yet I didn't know it?_

_(how could I not know? what did I think they meant to me, back then?)_

_So do you think I still love Sasuke?_

_I might, if the rain wouldn't fall so hard."_

She read it the next day, and crossed it all out - angry scribbles. She was embarrassed by what she had written.

_God I'm crazy._

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

3 MONTHS LATER

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

"Orochimaru is dead."

_Ding! Dong!_

_The witch is dead!_

"And it seems that Uchiha Sasuke…had killed him."

_So what does that make him? The lady or the tiger?_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

SEPTEMBER 28 – THE DAY HARUNO SAKURA RECEIVED THE NEWS THAT HER FORMER TEAMMATE, UCHIHA SASUKE, HAD KILLED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, ANOTHER OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

_September 28_

Sakura stared at the keys of her typewriter for a while, dumbstruck by the audacity of blank whiteness. Ten minutes later, she started to write. In ink. With a pen. On pink paper. _What does this all add up to; what does this all make me? _She couldn't figure it out. (_Does this mean I'm not an actress anymore?)_

She read her work out loud to herself when she was done, murmuring and slurring the words together like water, hot drops of rain in an ice-cold river.

"_Uchiha Sasuke, here are a few questions I would like to ask you, even though you are not here with me and probably will never read them. Just let them linger in the air for a moment like you are listening._

_Did I ever choose to let you go? (you probably want to know why I'm still chasing you)_

_Did you ever choose to want your life? (you probably want to know why in general) _

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_Now what?_

_I await your next move."_

The next morning she took all 407 pages of her diary and burned them.

She only had two words to say that left her lips in a whisper.

"Funeral pyre."

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

(Phoenixes had all the fun, now, didn't they?)

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY UCHIHA SASUKE DEFEATED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, AND PROVED HE WAS STRONGER EVEN THAN ONE OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

"No more."

Sasuke stood over the serpentile, withered body of his teacher, Orochimaru.

"No more fire."

_"I don't want to burn souls of the dead anymore."_

_i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i.i_

.x.

_tbc._

.x.

A/N:

-Symbolism and reading in between the lines. Don't tell me it's weird or incomprehensible, because I know.

-On the bright side, I somewhat revised it, since after reading it for the first time in 3 months, I realized that not even I could understand some of what was going on anymore. :P So I tried my best in making it better, sue me if I didn't.

-And read the shit in italics. It's important.


	2. with my bare fingers

_restrospect (working title)_

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

.x.

chapter 2: caught a tree (with my bare fingers)

.x.

**WARNING!! MAJOR SPOILERS UP AHEAD!! **

Continue at your own risk. :D

.x.

--

_if I were the court and you were the judge, who would be guilty of treason?_

--

Uchiha Sasuke.

Did he have to do with anything that his life stood for?

Probably not.

Uchiha Sasuke.

Uchiha Sasuke.

Uchiha Sasuke.

The name repeated itself in his mind, never letting go.

--

Kisame barged into the room, pale and startled. His eyes bulged even more than usual, and his blue complexion looked a bit sickly. Itachi eyed him, from the bed, eyebrow raised, in his usual fashion.

"You…you heard, right? Orochimaru…your brother…"

Itachi stared at his partner a few moments longer, then turned over onto his side so that he faced the wall and not his hysteric roommate.

"Good-night, Kisame."

"Y-yes."

_Of course I heard. Am I a fool?_

_Possibly._

--

7 YEARS AGO – UNKNOWN DATE, 2:45 AM

--

His motivation? None.

_It's because I felt like it._

Hardly an explanation for his younger brother, but he gave it to him anyway.

--

Drowning.

He was the strongest shinobi of his class, that Uchiha Shisui.

But in the end pure water strangled him.

--

7 YEARS LATER, EXACT TIME UNKNOWN – A FEW MONTHS BEFORE PRESENT TIME

--

Uchiha Itachi was the master of murder.

Deidara described it succinctly to Tobi once.

"Cuz he's a beast, un. Never regrets anything, acts on instinct. It's impossible to tell what he's thinking cuz he _doesn't _think, un. Doesn't feel either, no motivation, no desire. There's this feeling within him, and it just tells him to kill. So don't cross paths with him, got it?"

"How do you know this…Deidara-san?"

Deidara smirked, blue eye and camera lens sparkling with amusement.

"Wouldn't you like to know, un."

--

Uchiha Itachi was also the one who picked Deidara up from the Hidden Village of the Rock and led him to join Akatsuki by defeating him in a short fight, so it was only plausible that Deidara had first hand knowledge of what Konoha missing-nin was like.

He'd been Itachi's partner for a year before the Akatsuki, trying to figure out the man's weaknesses, and he still doesn't understand the enigma of that person.

--

5 YEARS AGO – HIDDEN VILLAGE OF THE ROCK

--

"But…why?" He was referring to the mass murder of the legendary Uchiha clan. Just from hearing the vague details, Deidara's blood ran cold.

Itachi stared at his new blond companion, he didn't even blink. Uchihas were notorious for their stoic manner.

"Never ask me that question again."

--

The next morning, Itachi spoke up randomly.

"It's like why you gauged your own eye out to put a camera in place of it. It's like why day must turn to night, or why the sun sets."

"What, un?"

"I don't like repeating myself."

And that was that.

--

PRESENT TIME

--

Itachi didn't care that his foolish little brother had killed the idiot Sannin member, nor did he want to know how, nor did he wish to congratulate him. These things never concerned him.

--

SOME TIME AGO – ABOUT A YEAR BEFORE THE START OF THE NARUTO STORY

--

"I'm wrong, aren't I?"

Deidara sipped at his coffee. He looked at the newest member of the Akatsuki – a silver-haired, sickle-wielding, religious guy. Rather soft for a group of assassins at first sight, but then again he was immortal and was one hell of a potty-mouth.

"About what, un?"

"About that Itachi bastard. Even Kisame claims he doesn't know shit about the guy, hardly talks to him, that's what he said. But you seem to know a lot about the little piece of shit. He seems to talk to you the most, seriously."

"Depends on what you mean with most, un. For Itachi, most is like two words. 'Shut up,' or 'where's lunch' is what comes out of his mouth usually. He's like the most anti-social guy you'll ever meet, un."

Hidan snorted. "Yeah, on first impression. But no one's really fucking like that, or he'd be like a fucking ghost, seriously."

"You'd be surprised, un. You'd be surprised."

--

12 YEARS AGO – ITACHI IS EIGHT AND RESIDES AT HIS HOME, THE UCHIHA MANSION

--

Fugaku looked disapprovingly at his first son, Itachi. The boy was a prodigy, surpassing everyone's expectations, genius at all forms of the ninja art, yet he enjoyed lying on his back and staring at the clouds go by in his free time.

Even his five year old brother, Sasuke, had more energy than him, although, Fugaku had to admit, the little one was not as talented as his brother. Still…cloud-watching was not appropriate for a shinobi, especially one of Itachi's caliber.

He told Itachi this, and the glimpse his oldest son gave him never left his mind until his death.

Stone-cold dead eyes.

--

UNKNOWN TIME

--

"What do you think?"

The conversation was held in deep, gruff whispers.

"The devil stole his heart. Or he sold it for that fancy eye technique."

"That's what I vote, un."

"Deidara-sempai, I'm sure he's compassionate deep down inside."

"Compassionate, fuck. Tobi, the guy's killed his whole damn family without a second damn thought. How can you seriously think he's compassionate?"

"He didn't kill Tobi, un."

"I'd agree with that, but he's got one hell of the evil schtick. I mean, we ain't so fucking great either, but he's got that aura that you never fucking realize exists until you experience it, you know?"

"_Uchiha Itachi is not evil. If he's not compassionate, he's not evil either."_

"…Zetsu, tell your other side to shut the fuck up."

--

PRESENT TIME

--

Deidara's hand hesitated a little as he knocked lightly on the wooden door.

"Come in."

He took the invitation, and sticking his head through the clearing, saw Itachi lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Lunch."

The Uchiha didn't move from his position, so Deidara retreated from the door.

"Deidara."

He opened the door wider this time. "Yeah?"

"Come here." Itachi pointed at the ceiling. "You. You're the artistic one. Tell me what the ceiling looks like."

Deidara tilted his head up, despite the odd request. Tiny, subtle cracks and lines ran along and criss-crossed the ceiling, something that he hadn't really noticed before. Often, in the night, during bouts of insomnia, he'd stare at the ceiling to quell his restlessness. Why _hadn't _he noticed them before?

"Rivers, un. Intermingling with each other, intertwining, joining each other."

"Really."

"Yeah."

--

A few hours later, Itachi sat down beside Deidara in the latter's workshop.

"Wrinkles. Of a wasted, decrepit life."

"Excuse me, un?"

"Not mine. My father's."

He left abruptly, and left a startled look in the sculptor's eyes.

--

_but I guess it's genetics, cuz I have them too_

--

.x.

A/N: Random Itachi-writing. I dunno. Don't ask.

And since I love Deidara so much (RIP, btw), I just had to throw him into the mix as well.

And so onwards to the next chapter! ...?


	3. circuses for traitors

_restrospect (working title)_

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

.x.

chapter 3: circuses for traitors

.x.

**SPOILERS. **Yeah, you get it.

.x.

--

Surreal.

He tapped the glass tank encasing various human experiments in water.

"Disgusting. To think you'd keep a trophy case of these things."

"Only for research, Sasuke-kun. You never know when you need something that's failed in one respect before." Kabuto pushed his glasses up. They kept slipping a little.

"So how do they….not drown to death?"

"You probably can't see it through the murky water, but they all have oxygen masks attached to their faces. Only lets through a very small amount though…we have to see which ones can survive and which ones are disposable."

"Heh."

"What?" Kabuto was annoyed. To say that the apprentice boy was arrogant was a total understatement.

"Nothing." _Just that you sound like my brother._

--

Sasuke stopped by a certain tank, the label catching his eye.

_NAME: Suigetsu_

_ORIGIN: Kirigakure_

_RELATED: trained by Zabuza, similar fighting style and water-based jutsu_

_EXP.: adjustments accordingly to his jutsu, fairly successful_

"…Huh."

--

The images seared into his brain.

Mutilated bodies, freaks of all kinds, horrible alterations.

These weren't human anymore. They probably weren't even alive, locked up skin-deep in water.

They were ghosts.

--

He never showed emotion anymore, but his dreams belied his façade.

If people were to see his dreams, captured on film, they would be able to kill him, genuinely.

He still had dreams about Konohagakure.

_Because he knows he was happiest there._

--

At day, Uchiha Sasuke was a killing machine.

He trained relentlessly, never talked, and kept to himself. Two years later, Orochimaru didn't think the boy that came to him and the boy now were even the same person.

Even the mentor himself got a jolt when he looked straight into his student's eyes.

Stone-cold dead.

_Because happiness doesn't really matter to me anyway._

--

Kakashi lounged back in his chair, chewing the end of a pen. Mountains of unfinished work ornamented his desk, floor, and over-all apartment, but all he could think about was Sasuke.

_Sasuke, you idiot._

_You may not have realized but…_

The phone rang, and he looked at the offending object with contempt.

--

"Did you ever notice the leaves fall backwards here?"

Jiraiya looked at his apprentice with confusion.

"What did you say?"

Naruto pointed at the tree across the river, where the two were resting and enjoying a "picnic," as Naruto mockingly called it.

"You know regular leaves kinda curl up like a bowl when they fall? Usually they're open-face up, falling in a zig-zag. But those leaves…they fall open-face down, so they do like a kind of tumble."

The blond took a generous bite of his onigiri.

"But a leaf is still a leaf when it hits the ground."

--

_If Konoha is the land where fire burns, then I will be the water that quenches and rages. _

--

Sasuke had picked up an annoying habit from his brother.

He often lay on his bed and inspected the walls.

Knowing Itachi, the older brother always took the littlest things to be symbolic, depressing, fatalistic. In this respect, Sasuke was the creative one of the family – he thought the cracks on the ceiling of his room always looked like rivers. Breaking off from each other.

--

Whenever he looked at the ceiling, this was the scene that always ran through Sasuke's head:

_Sakura was watching the boy. He looked at his blanketed knees all day, nothing else. It's like he had died sitting up. She held the plate of perfectly sliced apples towards the hospitalized Sasuke._

"_Here you go, Sasuke-kun. Please eat something."_

_His hands clenched into fists, claws of the tamed, and for some reason he felt unbearably frustrated. He knocked the plate out of Sakura's hand without thinking, and it shattered to the ground, little pieces littering the ground with their brilliance._

"_What the hell did you do that for?" Naruto shouted. _

"_Don't worry, Naruto, it's alright." Sakura bent down on her knees, collecting the pieces ever so delicately. She placed them lightly into the palm of her hand, like fragile souls, even though they were cutting into her legs, hands, and he could see the tiny winces of pain on her face –_

"_Dammit," Sasuke grumbled, and his fists punched the mattress. _

--

Naruto always told Sakura that she was too nice to Sasuke for her own good, that she should toughen up and have some backbone around him.

But she never listened, and just kept smiling that awfully beautiful smile of hers.

--

Kakashi filled in the last blank of the papers he had to finish. He had stayed up for at least three nights in a row, and he's never worked quite as hard before.

OBJECTIVE ACHIEVEMENT DETAILS:

The mission was at least five weeks ago, but he saved this one for last.

_Failed._

_You know the rest, Tsunade._

--

The Uchiha Mansion was always a gloomy, old place. It was haunted, people said, by the ghosts of the Uchiha. A cursed clan. Had to be. Raised two traitors. What kind of people were they?

Sakura entered the building of the late Uchihas. It almost seemed warm to her, an open pair of arms. She put down her pack and slipped her shoes off.

Making her way to the back of the house, into the garden, then sat down in front of two graves.

UCHIHA FUGAKU and UCHIHA MIKOTO, respectively.

"Good morning, Fugaku-san, Mikoto-san." She moved the dead, dried-up flowers aside and replaced them with new ones. Camellias.

"Please help me bring Sasuke-kun home, okay?"

Haruno Sakura visited the Uchiha graves every single week, up until the return of her teammate Naruto. After that, she felt that she didn't need to anymore.

--

_so why do you not hate me when I've hurt you so bad?_

--

Naruto had attempted to keep a diary at one point of his life.

It turned out to be more like an autobiography, and he only wrote in it on one day.

_The first time I ever remember being alone was when I was five. Hell, it was my first memory. I was sitting at home, waiting for whoever it was who took care of me usually to come back. It's kind of weird that I don't even remember the person who raised me from when I was just a baby until then, but I guess I didn't really like that person anyway. I was waiting for that person, like I said, I think it was a woman because I remember sitting on my bed wondering what time the person was going to come back and cook me dinner since I was hungry. But it could've been a man since there are man cooks out there. I watched the clock tick until ten in the night, and then I was almost starving to death so I went to the fridge to see what there was. Nothing but milk, cartons and cartons of it. Then I looked in the cabinet, piles and piles of instant ramen. I took one box of ramen out and I knew how to boil water, so I carefully poured it into the bowl of instant ramen and let it cool, then ate it. I guess I knew from that point on that the person was never coming back because they had left mountains and mountains of food to last me until the next like four years or so, so from then on I tried to make friends so I wouldn't have to think about being lonely when I was at home, sitting on my bed, watching the clock tick, waiting to fall asleep so the next day could come and I would try to make friends again. Of course no one ever liked me, and now I know why, but back then, even though I was friendly to everyone, hate burned inside me like fire. I kept smiling on the outside but kept burning on the inside. Then one day I did a prank I forgot what but I was called into Sandaime-ojii-san's office and I remember feeling real nervous since he was the top dog and he could kill me like what everyone else seemed to want to do. But then I looked into his eyes and saw it – he knew me. Whatever it was, it was like he said, I understand. For a long time, I just stared there, totally blanked-out, then he said to me, that thing inside you that you feel, what is it? And I said, right now it burns, and it feels like hell. And he said, no, it's not hell. It's fire. And I said, fire, hell, same thing. And he said, no. Fire melts the ice of hell. And then I just kind of stared at him, like what is he talking about? But I guess inside I really knew what he was talking about, since from then on it still burned, but it didn't hurt anymore. _

--

A few minutes later, he added this:

_So ojii-san really saved me. He looked out for me when no one else would. Because of him, because I thought he's such a cool person, that's why I want to be Hokage, so he gave me my dream I guess, and I owe him so much, but I never give him back anything. He never asks for anything except for my happiness, but I always feel there should be more. Should there be more? I don't know._

_Thanks to ojii-san, I have friends now. My new team. Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke's a real bitch, but Sakura's so pretty and for a girl she's really good at ninja stuff. Except I know she hates me like everyone else, but I like her because a long time ago, when she was shy and stuff, she was the only one who didn't treat me like scum off the wall. I was playing by myself with a ball, and I tried to climb a tree with it, since I could be alone there and I was tired of everyone's dirty looks, but of course I dropped it and it fell down. Well she was kind of alone too since people made fun of her big forehead which I did not think was so big, but before I could come down from the tree to get the ball, she came up with the ball and gave it to me. I thanked her and for a while we just kind of sat there, because here we were both alone but we were together, you know? Then she said, kids can be really mean. And I said, yeah. She said, but you can't let them find your heart. They can take out your liver, kidneys, brain, lungs, but don't ever let them take your heart. So I said, okay. You promise too? She promised. _

_I didn't think of Sakura like as a crush before. She was also kind of like a beacon of light for me though. Like I knew however bad things were, she was like me and that just gave me peace. Like we were connected. One thing can change everything though. Sasuke changed her and now she treats me like everyone else. But I know that there is still that girl underneath, because I can see it in her eyes. She's not mean. She's just acting, to get Sasuke's attention. So I'll wait for her, annoy her everyday to see if she stops acting. And even if she doesn't truly like me back the way I like her, I will still keep plowing on, because at least I can see her heart. Sasuke may have stolen her love, but he'll never take her heart._

--

Naruto kept this in his first drawer, with other little important trinkets. He'd occasionally look at it and laugh quietly at his childish words, because he doesn't like hiding things from himself.

Naruto wears his heart proudly on his chest.

--

Naruto didn't actually write his so-called diary all in one day. He added a section about Sasuke some time later.

_I know I said I hated Sasuke many times, but now I think I really didn't, it was just jealousy. Jealousy that he locked Sakura up in her own body and now all I can see of her are through her eyes, they're like windows to the sea. And you know what? That's a whole fricking lot of power he has then. _

And then another:

_Dammit Sasuke._

_Dammit._

_You're a goddamn retarded little bastard, aren't you? _

One more:

_Sasuke's gonna be like Itachi no matter what he does. Because they're both goddamn bastards. _

_But I want him back anyway. Sasuke's my best friend and I have to bring him back before he fucking gets himself killed. And Sakura. Sakura needs him too. _

_Dammit we all need him. What did Orochimaru have that we didn't?_

_Oh right. Fucking POWER._

_Dammit._

_DAMMIT._

"_From God's hands come the grapes of wrath."_

_I don't even know what that means. _

--

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY THE WHOLE WORLD LEARNS OF OROCHIMARU'S DEMISE, AND MUST WONDER ABOUT ITS FATE

--

"Orochimaru is dead. And it seems that Uchiha Sasuke had killed him."

This time Naruto didn't even need a diary entry to express his feelings.

His facial expression said it all.

--

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY UCHIHA SASUKE DEFEATED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, AND PROVED HE WAS STRONGER EVEN THAN ONE OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

--

"No more fire."

_Because they'll end up as rivers anyway._

_Wet and traitorous._

--

.x.

_fin_

_.x._

--

A/N:

-A wrap-up chapter, as well as introspective on Naruto, Sasuke, and little more about Sakura (like the first chapter wasn't enough). Hope you read the italics, cuz like I said, they're _important._

-"From God's hands come the grapes of wrath." – Figure it out yourself.

-Uchiha Fugaku and Mikoto – Sasuke's parents.

-The scene Sasuke remembers in italics – If anyone doesn't remember, it's the scene right before Sasuke and Naruto fight on the roof. Yeah, it's a little different than what actually happened in the anime, but if I actually copied down word for word what they said, it'd be called _plagiarizing._


End file.
